Am I Worth Loving?

                   I know I get over excited about little things. I’m often sad when I should be happy. I’ve always heard the saying that “people are happier than you with less things than you” but that irrelevant to me because they’re not happy with the things I have.  I know I’m crazy. I know that I’m not a bigger hugger and I don’t know how to be emotional. When you ask me something I’m going to tell you the way I feel it’s probably not the best solution. On one of the biggest days of my life, the people I thought cared for me, weren’t there for me. I said that I would never forgive them because I was hurting but then I grew up and just got colder. I forgive you but I cut you off. I trusted you to be there but where were you? I can’t have negativity in my life. I’m 21. 135.6 lbs. yes I have to add the .6 and no, you do not round up and I’ve only been in love twice. I take pride in the things and people I love regardless if they’ll ever love me back. I know that you won’t and I won’t ask you too. But I love me enough for the both us and that’s okay. You’ll always have that piece of my heart that’s cut out in the shape of your heart placed inside of mine. No, I‘m not in college but yes I work and I’m working towards college. My dream is to go to college, stay on campus and meet lots of people, start networking and working on my own brand but as u can see I’m still sitting here. I don’t know what it feels like to wake up and feel like the happiest girl in the world. Actually, to me that’s kind of cheesy. I hate quotes that contradict themselves or belittle others just to make quotes go together. That’s just annoying. For instance: happy girls are the prettiest. Yep, sit there and think about that, so wat makes you the saddest? Being ugly because if so then I’ve be the ugliest person all my life. I don’t want roses, and chocolate. Give me a little bit of loyalty, with a taste of honesty but don’t give me nothing that you’re not willing to be or something that you can’t give me in return because I then will make your life a living hell. Sometimes I don’t know what to say, so I sit still and be quiet, waiting. I’m not sure for what though because sometimes I feel like be waiting for a sig in the sky. I love me some funk music. Jill Scott, India Arie, Musiq Soulchild and all of them, it’s like the let me know that when people writing lyrics it’s just like writing poetry. I just want to be great in everything. Sometimes I get scared of others opinion of me, but I don’t get that stop me from being what want to be. I know that sometimes I let certain people and certain situations get to me but I’m not exactly sure why. I get scared of thunderstorms because I feel like sometimes going to happen to me but yet I love the rain. It’s something about the rain that soothes me and makes me problems go away. I want to write several books one day, I want to be just like Shonda Rimes, Michelle Obama, or even Kerry Washington one day. I just want to be happy. I know that there’s still some work that needs to be done to me. I know that I’m not completely finished. I know that most of the time my smile isn’t really, my confidence that I have in myself comes and goes like a rain storm in the desert but that’ just the way I am. I’m sometimes get depressed and I don’t want to talk to anyone. I want to talk to that one person but I know that talking to me about my problems isn’t something that we do, I know. I normally feel alone because I don’t have any friends, and I have bad luck in relationships because I’m so independent and to myself that it really scares me. I’m quirky silly, blunt oh I’m very blunt, and broken. My days are sometimes too dark, and my nights are sometimes too long. I often trip over my own insecurities, the ones that I thought I was already over and done with. I require attention, long for passion and, and wish to be desired and not picked over like I’m a piece of trash. I use music to speak when words fail me, even though words are as important to me as the air I breathe. I love hard and with all that I have. And even with my faults, I am worth loving. Aren’t I at least worth loving?

Sincerely,

Alexis Sierra.